he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
