Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
