i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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