you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
