To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
