ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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