i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
nutella sex= disaster
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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