I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
