Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I will pee on everything he values.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize