what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
