Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
