1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
