I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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