Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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