I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
