This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
