I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
