You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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