Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
