i permit you to call me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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