I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
