My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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