put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
