im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
