do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
