i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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