If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
