It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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