Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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