i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
