the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
