apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
