Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
