I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
