I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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