she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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