I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
