It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
