There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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