Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
