im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
