Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
