Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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