Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
