Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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