Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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