she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
then he tried to convert me to islam
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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