May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize