Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
