I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
