And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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