u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
