Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
