They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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