I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize