My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
