I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
