If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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