Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
