Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
