Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
