I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
