Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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