just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
