I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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