Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
