It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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