Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
