We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
