Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
