So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize