Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
