i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
